internet spittin' bars
a quick list of iconic things I heard this week
Floor Time
/flôr tīm/
noun
the 15-60 minute time period spent laying on the floor in the middle of the work day, typically as a relief from the soul-sucking reality of corporate America.
For the first half of this week, I was cosplaying as one of the Bucket grandparents after I got the double jab (PSA get your flu and Covid shot—the season is upon us!). This vaccine always knocks me out and I spent two days in a bedridden fever-y fog. In the latter half of the week, however, I have been a little energizer bunny catching up with all the things I couldn’t do in said fog. All that to say, I didn’t have much time to come up with distracting insights or words of wisdom for you this Floor Time. Luckily, I know of people who did.
Do you ever hear someone say something that makes you stop in your tracks? I’m talking *record scratch*-grab-a-pen-and-pencil-and-write-it-down1-because-they-just-spit-a-BAR. I had a few of those moments this week, and have compiled them into the best of the best ICYMI.
1. “All That Work For Turkey And Eric Adams Didn’t Even Get a Hair Transplant” - Hunter Harris
When this Hung Up landed in my inbox, admittedly it took me a second to register the joke. But once it did, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I’d be in the kitchen cooking, remember it, and start giggling like an idiot while chopping a leek. I’d be in the shower, remember it, and smirk. I’d be walking Klaus, remember it, and smile. Hunter Harris is the funniest woman on the internet (h/t to my friend Lauren for always saying this).
2. “This is not an airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.” - Mariska Hargitay
Last month, Mariska Hargitay aka THE Olivia Benson endorsed Harris/Walz 2024. Many Tr**p supporters were upset and voiced their protest in the comments section of her Instagram. She then responded with this absolute BAR that I—it’s just—wow. I’m using this response the next time someone shares a “taking a break from Instagram…” story on Instagram.
3. “There are a whole lot of women out here who, first of all, are not aspiring to be humble.” - Kamala Harris
I have literally never listened to Call Her Daddy, but it was hard to ignore clips from Alex Cooper’s interview with Veep Kamala Harris. While Tr**p fans were very much up in arms, it gave Alex a huge bump in her social following. I have not yet listened to the full interview, but I loved this bar. A reminder to all us ladies to be less humble!! Take that, Kendrick!
4. “maybe you should try it not on a cucumber sometime” - Nick Nelson
Nick Nelson, the man that you are! I, like most people, have so many feelings about the latest season of Heartstopper. One of those feelings is, is it legal for a 16-year-old boy to have that much rizz? Adult men should take notes on MMS flirting. For those who don’t watch, a) what are you doing? and b) see below for the context (of all in which you live and what came before you2).
5. This whole clip of Sally Rooney from the Southbank Centre
I am famously not a Sally Rooney fan. I find her writing to be uppity and convoluted. So I have to be the first to say, miss Sally, I’m sorry, I was not familiar with your game. This clip from a speech she gave around her new book, Intermezzo (which I will definitely be reading now) is how you use a platform. While it is frustrating beyond words that so many Palestinian voices have been saying this exact message with it falling on deaf ears, I do applaud Sally Rooney for using what was an opportunity to promote her book to amplify calls for a ceasefire. It was unexpected and the right thing to do.
Something I Thought of in the Shower
Still that Hunter Harris quote
Something To Laugh About
Here are this week’s gems:
This is giving “we have Rainforest Cafe at home.” Humans are so delightful.
I feel like you have to be very online to get this internet lore. Unfortunately, I am, and this genuinely made me laugh out loud.
Topical!! No but when this happens my god complex becomes unstoppable.
Note: this week I got “words in ‘do-re-mi’” FIRST and I will be riding that high until Sunday AT LEAST.
For all my Saturday-morning-cereal-eating kids who are now adults. There will never be a better feeling than this.
Something for Clarice
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Something Important
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Something Pretty
Got into the spoopy mood this week with some pumpkin decorating / carving. How cute are these??
By the way…I’m reading this.
I read The Guest by Emma Cline this week, after fighting off the BookTok buzz about it when it was all the rage last year. My (new!) book club chose it as the October read, so I will not give away all my thoughts about it—but I will say I think I missed something. If you read this book, reach out with your thoughts please :)
And I’m watching this.
Now that spoopy season is in full swing, it’s time for me to start Agatha All Along. Joe Locke is really having a great year, huh?
Fall is in full swing! Last night I debuted this incredible long suede jacket that would be the envy of Daisy Jones. I thrifted it in LA in the height of summer, thinking that its debut would mark the changing of the seasons—and behold! Autumn! Hope you’re all leaf peepin’ this weekend :)
‘Til next time, icons. Your friend,
Clarice
for the life of me I cannot find that woman who does that bit on TikTok where she writes iconic lines down in her notebook—but know that I’m thinking of her
my brain rot is SO strong that I literally can’t hear or say the word “context” without this anymore