Floor Time
/flôr tīm/
noun
the 15-60 minute time period spent laying on the floor in the middle of the work day, typically as a relief from the soul-sucking reality of corporate America.
Whew! It is hot, hot, HAWT out there. I hope you’re all staying cool, hydrated, and soaking up that good good aircon as much as you can (especially if you live in Phoenix…are ya’ll ok).
Now that we are very much at the height of summer, I thought it was about time for a deep dive on summer activities, specifically as they pertain to life in NYC. As a Californian—namely as a Bay Arean—summers looked like lazy days at the pool, beach days at Tilden Pond or Alameda Beach, brewery crawls in Oakland, camping trips up north, and hikes as far as the eye can see. In NYC, where wet, hot, trash reigns supreme and the air is thiccer than a chonky corgi butt, everyone looks for respite in weekend trips and non-urban activities. I’m here to give you unsolicited advice on what’s worth your time. Enjoy and please don’t send hate mail if you disagree because I’ll cry.
Picnic / Park Days
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: It’s free, it’s accessible, and you can bring games! The beaches of New York may be a longer journey away, but the parks are a mere bike ride, subway ride, or walk away, and there’s no limit to how many people (and dogs) can join in on the fun.
Good to know: The bugs be buggin’ in summer so if you’re planning to play sitting duck in a grass field, pack that deet! Or, I have found that bubble machines (I’m serious) and essential oils also work wonders at fending off these bloodsuckers1.
This is my cutesy friend Jen with all the orange wines 🍊 :)
Pool Days
Ranking: ⭐️ (unless you own a pool in which case, ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ and what’s it like to have wealth?)
Notes: Pools are just hard to come by in the city. You can go the public pool route—and while nice and well-maintained, come with so many rules it takes the fun out of the whole thing. There is also timed entry with breaks for lifeguards and cleaning etc. so your pool time is often interrupted. Ultimately this is more trouble than it’s worth. Then there’s the day pass route at certain hotels. Obviously, this is expensive ($150 for a whole day AND you have to do a two-drink minimum / probably pay for food…so that comes out to ~$200 total!?), so much so that you might as well pay the same price for an actual hotel stay and get access to the pool included.
Good to know: Lots of NYC hotels are having summer sales at the moment! I did an impromptu one-night rumspringa-esque day and it came out to $190pp (I know, still pricey), and the hotel provided free bottles (yes, plural) of prosecco and complimentary room service for breakfast. So if you feel like balling out, I’d go this route instead of paying the same price for just a pool day.
Camping
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: Make no mistake, I personally think camping is a 5-star experience. However in NYC, the access docks this activity a star. If you have a car, you can drive anywhere from 1-4 hours to be in a nice camping area (but you really want the 4-ish hours if you want to camp somewhere worth it). But if you don’t have a car, you’d have to rent (pricey!) or take a train (perhaps impossible because of all the gear you’d have to lug). So basically, befriend car owners.
Good to know: I’ve only been camping around Lake George since I’ve lived in NYC and it’s lovely. There isn’t much of a pond or lake culture in California (barring Lake Tahoe which is almost always freezing) and I’ve had some of my negative assumptions quashed by how lovely, clear, and ideal for swimming the ponds and lakes are. Lake George is also enormous so if you want to be really extra and throw in a boat day (~$100pp for the whole day if you’re with a big group), you get the added benefit of cooling off with some water sports (e.g. wakeboarding, cliff-jumping).
This is my friend Raph who literally cooked us a gourmet chicken curry on a previous camping trip #YesChef
Beach Day
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: Look, it’ll never be California, but the Atlantic in the summer is WARM, and the waves EXIST, and you can easily take a ferry, train, bike, or car to the nearest beach. So it remains a 5-star experience for me. Also, the Rockaways have some decent beachfront food options and cheap surfboard rentals—enough to ensure that I remain a happy clam.
Good to know: This is more of a Clarice-ism good to know: I am the kind of beach egg that spends the day at the beach. I’m talkin’ we pack in all our food, beverages, and activities, and we don’t leave until we are so sun-tired it feels like we’re back in grade school. People who “leave for lunch” are no friends of mine. You are CHAINED to that sand until late afternoon AT BEST.
Shopping
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: Shopping is literally always fun but when it’s so hot in the summer and the city is just as packed as it always is, walking around SoHo doesn’t have the same je ne sais quoi. Also, the thought of peeling the sweaty tee shirt off my back to try on clothing in a hot, windowless changing room frankly sounds like the tenth circle of hell—it’s a no from me, dawg.
Good to know: In less busy neighborhoods, boutique shopping is a great way to break up city days. Popping into some shops between meals and drinks and park visits is a lovely way to cool down and escape the heat. Speaking of…
Bar Crawls (preferably with rooftops)
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: In California, my friends and I spent nearly every weekend going for hikes and then hitting the breweries. I’m happy to report that NYC delivers the same perfect weekend day (sans hike, oop). New York bars are so fun in the summer, they often have gorgeous outdoor seating, and the breweries (you’ll have to venture into LiC or Brooklyn because Torch & Crown is just meh) are spacious and dog-friendly.
Good to know: Just a quick and dirty list of my favorite NYC breweries2 with taprooms you should visit: Evil Twin, Finback, Talea, Other Half, Grimm Artisanal Ales, Threes Brewing, Fifth Hammer, Strong Rope (the Red Hook location).
Bike / Rollerbladin’
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: Team Citibike4Lyfe. Even though NYC traffic is wild, I think we have some pretty great bike lanes. The Westside Highway, Prospect Park, and the west coast of Brooklyn all boast protected bike lanes that allow you to cut through the traffic without worrying about getting smacked by a car.
Good to know: When on a bike, pedestrians suck. It’s just how the cookie crumbles.
Going to the Movies
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: There’s aircon. There are snackz. There are slushies and beer. What more could you want! I’m just calling it: This summer is the summer of films. You got “Barbenheimer,” “Joy Ride,” “No Hard Feelings,” “Past Lives,” “Indiana Jones,” “Mission: Impossible,” etc. Run don’t walk to the movies, people!
Good to know: I am a proud card-holding member of Regal Cinemas (aka the Regal Unlimited pass). You pay $23.99/month for unlimited films aka if you see two-a-month you already get your money’s worth. They’re also crazy about the rewards. When I went to see “Joy Ride” I paid $0.30 for a humongous slushie. And then I proceeded to have the gnarliest sugar headache ever. And I’d do it again!
Leaving NYC
Ranking: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Notes: The best part about NYC is being able to leave (and then come back and fall in love all over again). 10/10 recommend getting out of town to anywhere less swamp ass-y for a true summer vacation. But maybe wait ‘til the heatwave passes (if it passes???).
Good to know: Europe at this time of year looks P A C K E D and I can’t believe what some friends have had to pay for their flights. I have always been an early summer / later summer traveler (need I remind ya’ll that SabbatiCLO was in MAY this year), so if you’re still wanting to get away, perhaps look into late August or September?
Something Pretty
Practicing what I preach…last weekend I left the city and headed up to Vermont to spend the weekend at this awesome pond! Vermont was everything I thought it would be in that it was extremely green, they had great cheese, and the towns were adorbz. I snapped this pic on a late-night walk I took—the pond looks like glass!!
Something To Laugh About
It’s Barbenheimer week so that was most of this week’s content :)
This Barbie has taste!!! I too listen to the Stephen Fry books to sleep / basically anytime I’m in transit. Always.
If I ever decide to give birth, take notes because I’m putting this on my rider3.
This is for my fellow rat girl Swifties ♥️
All the stitches for this are so good but this one made me spit out my food laughing.
This is just a little something to tickle your brain and make your ears happy.
And finally, a TBT no one asked for. This was dark days, ya’ll.
Ok everyone enjoy your Barbenheimer weekends! I have already seen Barbie and it made me feel true joy for the first time in weeks (months? years?). Truly a delight. But sadly all of my friends were LOSER VIBES (a la, “Clarice Oppenheimer is THREE HOURS LONG, no,” and "it’s a Thursday,” and “I’ll be out of town,” yadda yadda) and didn’t want to do the double featch with me—so Oppenheimer will have to wait till late July. Not the Kenergy I wanted, people!!!
Til’ next time, Barbie girls. Your friend,
Clarice
By the way…I’m reading this.
I finally finished The Idiot by Elif Batuman (it was beautifully written but imo slow, hence why I took so long to read it), and am now moving on to the new stack of books that just came in the mail through Bookshop.org—we love our indie girls. Assembly by Natasha Brown has really been calling my name so I’ll be housing that at the beach this weekend.
I’ve gone in way more depth about breweries in old Floor Times. ICYMI.
Obviously will have a rider by then because I’ll be extremely famous *hair flip*.