Floor Time
/flôr tīm/
noun
the 15-60 minute time period spent laying on the floor in the middle of the work day, typically as a relief from the soul-sucking reality of corporate America.
Hey friends! Thought I’d catch you before kick-off. Weird to hear from me on Sunday, eh? If you received this and thought, TGIF, I’m sorry to yuck your yum. Just wanted to pop in with a little bonus (well, more like make-up), Floor Time before the Niners crush the Chiefs and Taylor Swift official dates a Super Bowl haz beennn1.
So you didn’t hear from me last Friday because well, I’ve been fighting for my life. Last weekend I was down bad from a cold (I thought it was strep—but an urgent care visit confirmed it wasn’t) that hit me on Thursday and lasted through Monday. By Tuesday I started to feel better, and on Wednesday and Thursday some might say I was properly spritely. Enter: Friday. Ohhh, Friday. Friday was the day the funk died.
I’ll spare you all the details but essentially I’ve been bedridden for the past 72 hours, only leaving the house to walk Klaus at a snail’s pace2, and go to urgent care—AGAIN! because how!? HOW?! The Doc gave me alllll the tests and again….nothing. No strep. No COVID. No flu. His words, “I think you were just really unlucky and got a new virus right after you recovered from the previous one.” Cool cool cool cool.
So, it’s been a rough weekend. I was particularly devastated to have to cancel my Lunar New Year dumpling wrapping party (there was gonna be lychee martinis! and mah-jong! and fanfare!) and a trip to the Brooklyn Museum to see the last of the Spike Lee exhibit and the Lunar New Year artisan market. And of course, the promise of 7-layer dip and buffalo wings is now out of the question for the evening *sobs*. But honestly, at this point, I will become a recluse for the next week if it’s going to make me feel better. I can’t imagine being this sick for another week. Truly, what a Feb.
All that to say, during this time of a truly appalling performance by my immune system, I have had moments of consciousness that I’ve filled with fun content that I wanted to share—perhaps you have also had chicky nood soup for the past 4 meals. Maybe you also are on your fourth box of tissues. Whatever state this Sunday special Floor Time may find you in, I hope some of this content can offer added comfort.
The Best Binge
Unless you hate hot people, you probably have already devoured the new Amazon Prime Mr. & Mrs. Smith starring certified hot people, Donald Glover and Maya Erskine. If you have yet to dive in, know this: This show has it all. Espionage. Beautiful Brooklyn brownstones. Subtle, tasteful, elite cameos. Destination shots. Nerd humor. Romance. I was destined to love this show because a) spy content has and will always be my favorite3, b) Donald Glover and Maya Erskine are two of my favorite celebs, and c) I watched so much of the press junket before even starting the pilot and these two are so fun together. I won’t spoil anything for you but do text me when you finish the show because I have A LOT to discuss.
The Best Escapism
I finally had the time to sit down and watch all of the new Percy Jackson. Though Logan Lerman will always be my guy, I do love that they aged down the actors for this TV adaptation and made it a series where they didn’t have to rush anything. I truly thought it was really fun and well-paced, but I know the critics (and a lot of TikTok, as per uszj) seem to disagree. But if we’re judging a sick day watch on comfort, escapism, entertainment, and always for me, truthfulness to the books, I really was fine with it.
The Best New Rom Com
I consume any content with any member of the Riverdale cast in it with a grain of salt (does not include: my hero, my king, Charles Melton), but I have to applaud Camila Mendes’ new romcom on Amazon Prime, Upgraded. The story was genuinely very well put together, Marisa Tomei plays the perfect girlboss that you equally fear/hate and root for/want to impress, and the lines were not as cringe as many modern-day romcoms now are (does not include: Set It Up, or TATBILB). The work / romance conflict was well-balanced and almost believable (romcoms need a bit of fantasy! I don’t make the rules!) and it just brought me 90 mins of peace as I forced another dose of DayQuil down my throat.
The Best Grammy Performance
Even though Miley won not one but TWO Grammy’s (her first!) for arguably one of the most boring songs in her discography, my girl finally got her Flowers and that is something to celebrate. Her performance was both confusing yet mesmerizing—my best friend Leslie said that she’s just bein’ Miley!
The Best Thing-Clarice-Just-Watched-Because-She-Didn’t-Have-4-Hours-To-Spare-Last-Summer
I finally watched Oppenheimer. I loved it. I don’t think it’s Christopher Nolan’s best, but it’s also definitely not his worst (*cough* Tenet *cough*). First, #gobears. Second, Robert Downey Jr. does not deserve an Oscar nod for this—I’m sorry, I’ll say it. Third, I had a fully blown existential crisis in that theatre, so much so that at one point, Andrew leaned over and asked, “are you ok?” to which—through tears—I whimpered, “no, I’m having a full on existential crisis in real time.” So definitely go see it.
Something I Thought of in the Shower
If this were the 1800s and I was this sick would I already be dead?
Something Pretty
A cool thing I did this past week during my Day of Respite from Illness was go to an open rehearsal for SMASH! The Musical. If you know me, you know that I live and die by the lore of this 2012-Stephen-Spielberg-executively-produced-work-of-art-that-got-canceled-too-early-because-it-was-before-its-time-and-woulda-KILLED-on-STREAMING show. They’ve adapted it into a VERY fun musical and I entered the lottery to attend an open rehearsal (essentially a run-through of the full show). I can’t wait for this to hit Broadway. Also! I got to tell Yvette Nicole Brown (that’s why this is in the “Something Pretty,” section because while I look heinous-) she looks SNATCHED and that I am watching Community for the first time and she’s a hoot. She offered to take a photo together and basically, this afternoon was a highlight of all my time in New York. Like, things like this are why you move to the greatest city in the world.
Something To Laugh About
Here are this week’s gems:
My friend Jordan sent this to me before I could send it to her and let me just tell you—I may be down and sick as hell but I still feel this power *insert Elmo fire gif here*.
This is so silly, and yes it made me giggle. One [straightener] to [flatten] them all.4
Everything Everywhere All At Once should do a reshoot and add in this scene. V important.
Again, dumb but relatable. This is my brand.
Ok so we all do this on a plane.
This is just another case for Mr. & Mrs. Smith in case you needed more convincing.
Something for Clarice
Hey! This newsletter is free and I intend to keep it that way. That said, if you love it and want to show your appreciation, buy me a coffee :)
By the way…I’m reading this.
Still We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian :)
Happy Super Bowl Sunday! Pls excuse the inevitable typos or grammar mistakes in this Floor Time—I have sick brain and am simply not going to proofread, but doesn’t mean I love you any less.
Drink your fluids and don’t get sick, ya’ll. It’s nasty over here.
Til’ next time, Niner Gang. Your friend,
Clarice
This is mostly a joke—pls don’t come for me, I just want the hometown boys to get the W!!!
It is on these walks I wonder if I fainted on the street if Klaus would help me or just be really freaked out by the fact that I fell—anxious dogs, amirite.
Just ask my Spy Kids VHS box-wrapped emotional support Hydroflask.
I’ll workshop this.