take a pizza my heart
my favorite toppings but they get weirder and weirder
Floor Time
/flôr tīm/
noun
the 15-60 minute time period spent laying on the floor in the middle of the work day, typically as a relief from the soul-sucking reality of corporate America.
I’m about to make everyone very mad.
First, some backstory: Like most cinephiles, I’ve been geeking out about the “Materialists” release and entire press junket (this has been my favorite). Unfortunately, the movie was inaccurately marketed,1 and frankly I’m in shock that this was written by the same Celine Song that wrote “Past Lives,” a work of literal art. But I digress.
Dakota Johnson and Chris Evans, two one-dimensional actors with no on-screen chemistry, did a pizza interview for NYT Cooking that I found delightful. Dakota rightfully topped her pizza with artichoke hearts—an elite pizza topping!—and it got me thinking about my favorite underrated pizza toppings. Many of these will make you mad, I already expect this. But before you send me hate mail or a tub of gorilla sh*t in the mail, I implore you to keep an open mind…
Egg!
In college I worked as a host at this pizza bar-resto, and their specialty pizza featured an egg in the middle (crack before you put in the oven, then bake). This yielded a perfectly cooked egg in the center of the pizza, couched in cheesy deliciousness. Plus, you get a little boost of protein.
Corn!
Corn MIGHT be my favorite topping on both pizza and ramen. I mean, it’s corn! The Cheeseboard Collective in Berkeley introduced me to this delicious topping during my freshman year of college. Mixed with the right herbs and a hit of chimichurri, the below remains one of my favorite slices in the whole world.
Rigatoni!
This may sound insane, but rigatoni is a helluva topping. It’s not something you can order every time, but after a night of drinks, the rigatoni slice offers all the tummy sponge one could ever hope for. The cheese effortlessly merges the carbs (rigatoni and the pizza crust) and the way it’s baked makes parts of the rigatoni a little crispy which is *chef’s kiss*.
Ranch! (More of a pizza condiment…)
I have no courage in New York to order ranch with my pizza, but it is 1000% the best and most essential pizza topping. I will not be debating further.
Sea Asparagus!
I gotta give credit to Andrew’s sister, Emma, who introduced me to sea asparagus as a pizza topping. It’s not an ingredient you can easily come by, especially not in New York, but it gives a subtle saltiness that elevates other toppings’ flavors.
Ramps!
I’ll use every opportunity in the world to call out my love for ramps, and this is no exception. Their gentle (compared to scallions) yet sharp (compared to leeks) flavor makes this the perfect savory pizza topping. And given the price point for ramps, you could probably just make one really awesome pizza with a $10 bunch.
Seaweed!
Same sort of vibe as the sea asparagus, but this always reminds me of the closing scene of “Read It and Weep.”
Pomegranate!
I am a savory palate enthusiast through and through, but every once in a while even I appreciate a sweet treat. This past year, I finally got to eat at Una Napoletana (where they import tomatoes and dough from Italy every morning… insane). It happened to be Padma Lakshmi night, and her signature pizza consisted of buffalo mozzarella DOP, Serrano peppers, and red onion marinated in Padma’s spice blend, then topped with pomegranate, pomegranate molasses, mint, cotija, and lime zest. Anytime pomegranate and mint are paired together, sign me up.
Something I Thought of in the Shower
Labubus are ugly. Are ya’ll ok?
Something for Clarice
Hey! This newsletter is free and I intend to keep it that way. That said, if you love it and want to show your appreciation, buy me a coffee :)
Something Pretty
Can’t think of anything more beautiful to kick off summer
By the way…I’m reading this.
Every book on my Libby became available at the same time so I’m stressed. But I finally got this:
And I’m watching this.
“Overcompensating” was super fun. But now I’m rewatching “The Good Place,” and man does it hit different when I’m constantly questioning our ethics and what it means to be a human in this hellscape…
Please excuse any typos—I’m writing this right before I’m offline all weekend camping. Yay summer! Yay pizza making! And happy long weekend :)
‘Til next time, pepperonis. Your friend,
Clarice
So much so that I’m like…actually, does the marketing team deserve a raise for so sneakily duping us all??